Day Care Vs. Stay-at-Home Moms

Years ago there was no question. Men
were seen as the providers for their
families. Women were expected to care
for the children and keep the house.
The "Leave It to Beaver" model was the
ideal. Father would go off to work while
mother would cook, clean, bandage
scraped knees and greet her husband
at the door after a hard day’s work.

Today's young couples laugh at the
"Leave It to Beaver" model. Things have
changed. Day Care Centers are multiplying everywhere. Most women view work as a necessity and "day care" as their only option. The stay-at-home mom often finds herself on the defensive with her friends and neighbors. Why isn't she working? Why isn't she helping her husband with the heavy financial burden of the family?

What happened to the past? Why the change? How did we develop today’s definition of the family? Are we better off? More importantly, what is the biblical model? Should mom stay home with the kids?

A Developing Problem
There were two forces at work reshaping society’s view on the role of mothers.
First, some men were guilty of degrading the importance of stay-at-home moms.
Historically, the average man was the "bread winner." His wife stayed home all day. He provided, she received. He worked hard while her duties were light. She sometimes heard remarks like, "I wish I could stay home!  You don’t know what it’s like out there!  You have no idea how easy you have it!" As a mother she was made to feel unimportant. It was easy for her to see herself as nothing more than a household servant.

A second force attacking the stay-at-home mom was (and is) the Women's Rights Movement. The seeds of its power were planted in the late 19th century and it has continued to grow stronger with each new decade. The Movement began as a reaction to the male dominated culture. Women were sometimes victims of physical, verbal and mental abuse. As the Women's Movement matured, so did its ideology: "If men and women are equal, then women can do what men can do. A woman’s potential is unlimited. It is tragic to confine a woman to the home and children when she can succeed in a career. Why would anyone rob a woman of total self-fulfillment? She must have the same opportunity to "shine" as does her male counterpart."

Where are we today? Many women feel that staying home with children stifles their personal growth. They can only experience wholeness by pursuing a career. On the other hand, many men no longer view themselves as the providers for their families. They expect their wives to work. So, Day Care flourishes.

A Biblical Model
Does the Bible forbid women to work outside the home? No, in fact, when Proverbs 31 describes an "excellent wife" the following traits are listed: "She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard... she makes linen garments and sells them and supplies belts to the tradesmen." (Vs. 16-24 taken from the New American Standard Bible) Were it not for women in the workforce our economy would collapse.

But, there is another biblical principle to consider. Titus 2:4-5 states, "... encourage the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home..." (New American Standard Bible). A woman's first and highest calling is to be a lover of her husband and children. She is to be a good home administrator. The text clearly indicates God's formula for the Christian home. Women are uniquely gifted to nurture children and shape their character. There is no career more fulfilling, important or challenging than directing and lovingly forging the heart and intellect of a little child. What job is more meaningful than the emotional, intellectual and physical welfare of a child. The biblical ideal places mom in the home as the backbone of child development. What Day Care Center can do as well as a loving mother?

Cultural Questions
There are a number of questions that arise from the biblical
model:
1. How can a couple afford to raise children on one income?
2. What about a stay-at-home dad?
3. Is it a sin for a couple to opt for Day Care?
4. What about leaving children with grandparents?
These and other questions need to be addressed. In most cases mothers prefer not to work but feel constrained by financial pressures. What is the remedy? Each couple must evaluate their monetary needs, "Do we need 2 cars, a 2000 sq. ft. home, an acre of ground? Do we need to dress our children in designer clothes? Do we need to take summer trips? Do we need to involve our kids in multiple sports programs?" Often, a change in lifestyle can free mom to stay at home. The question is: what is more critical to the life of my child - designer outfits or mom's daily loving instruction and praise?

Sadly, many couples never calculate the cost of mom working. Not only does a stranger raise their children, but, mom's financial contribution to the family treasury may be meager at best. Totaling items such as car, clothes, babysitting and lunches, the average mom must earn $18,000-$20,000 per year to break even. If she earns $30,000 per year, her contribution to the family income is less than $10,000 after taxes. Many couples could be financially healthier if mom stayed home.

There are those who need to work. Due to the husband's inability to earn a livable wage two incomes are necessary. Certainly, God honors such endeavors. However, it is imperative that couples clearly define family needs and family desires before making a decision to send mom to an outside career. In my opinion, couples should set a goal of keeping mom home until the children are in school. Those formative years should be shaped by the love that can only come from a Christian mom.