"Till Death Do Us Part" vs. Divorce
One of the sad facts of evangelical
life is that the Church's
frequency of divorce parallels
that of the world's - approximately
50%. Given biblical values and
the Church’s emphasis on
developing healthy families, it
seems strange divorce rates would
be so high among Christians. What
does the Bible say about divorce? In order to understand the Bible's teaching on divorce, we must first understand the biblical concept of marriage.
What Is Marriage?
Genesis 2:24 says, "... and they shall be one flesh." At the heart of the marital union is this "one flesh" concept. It is this basic principle that separates Christian marriage from the popular cultural notions. Many young couples enter marriage thinking, "We love each other. Let's get married and form a 50-50 relationship. We will not smother each other. We will allow room for personal development and growth. We will journey down our separate paths more fulfilled because we are doing it together." The Bible says "no." Marriage is a blending of two lives into one. It is giving 100% to the other. The marital union is so intimate that each partner is incomplete without the other. They move, think and behave as one.
The tragedy of divorce becomes clear when viewing the biblical teaching on marriage. Divorce rips apart what God has joined together. Therefore, it is never an option for a Christian couple. Unfortunately, some believers argue, "The Bible allows for divorce. Didn't Jesus say "except for adultery"? How could you possibly encourage someone to remain in a marriage where there has been an adulterous episode?" It is true the Bible gives certain guidelines for divorce. However, those guidelines spring from our Lord's statement, "because of the hardness of your heart (Matt.19:3-9)." Divorce is not an option for the Christian for two important reasons. First, the nature of a Biblical marriage dictates against it. Second, Christians are exhorted to forgive each other as Christ has forgiven them (Eph.4:32). One case of adultery is not sufficient grounds to dissolve a marriage. Believers ought to be the most forgiving people in the world. If God has unconditionally forgiven them, how could they treat their spouses with any less forgiveness? The Christian solution to marital problems is to strive toward resolution.
You Don't Understand!
"My spouse was unfaithful, unwilling to resolve the problem. Even when we sought counseling, his/her promises to do better were short-lived. How can you say there is no divorce for Christians?" If a Christian marriage ends in divorce it is because one or both are unwilling to follow the Lord's words. Divorce is always the result of sin. However, God deals with us as we are, not as we should be. His divorce legislation is given to preserve us from falling deeper into sin. So, what are His guidelines?
Comparing all the "divorce passages" (such as Matt.19 and I Cor.7) we find three reasons for divorce: 1.) Sexual Looseness, 2.) Physical and Mental Abuse, 3.) Desertion. It is important to put these reasons in a "time context." One act of sexual immorality, physical abuse, or mental abuse is not grounds for dissolving a marriage. Why? Because Christians are to be forgiving people. As long as the offending spouse is repentant, forgiveness is the only option. But, a continual pattern of such offenses is unforgivable. There is no repentance evident when the sin is continually repeated. Thus, divorce may be the only viable solution. One of the marks of a genuine Christian is a repentant heart. When that is absent, the unrepentant mate is evidencing a lack of spiritual life. In such cases a Christian is not obligated to remain in the relationship.
What about Remarriage?
A careful analysis of the pertinent passages (Deu.24:1-4, Rom.7:1-3, I Cor. 7:10-15) indicates that remarriage is permissible. A divorce is similar to death. It's as though the bond no longer exists. Each person is dead to the other regarding their marital union. Therefore, the same principles apply to a divorcee as apply to a widow.
A Final Thought
The foundation of a healthy marriage is biblical love. It is a love that moves beyond feelings. It is a commitment to the welfare of another person under the worst of circumstances. Biblical love is unwavering in its direction, unchanging over time, and driven to cultivate the success of its object, and ultimately, the success of the marriage union. Such a love eliminates divorce.
