Pornography and the Christian Marriage
In a casual conversation with several
Christian men, I was surprised to hear
the comment, "My wife and I use adult
videos to enhance our sex life." Others
in the group admitted to the same
practice. Their argument was, "As long
as we are centering our thoughts on each other, that's not lust
or adultery. We are simply using the video as a tool to increase our enjoyment." I later found the results of a study by the Kinsey Institute in which 69% of the respondents claimed to use pornography to sexually arouse themselves and/or others. While the Kinsey Institute may not be objective, the statistic is staggering. Generally, cultural trends found in society are mirrored in the Evangelical Church (divorce rates). So, the question needs to be addressed. Is it permissible for married Christian couples to use pornographic visual aids to enhance their sexual union? The answer is a firm "no." But, why?
The Sexual Myth
Many people (Christians and non-Christians) view sex as a biological drive. It is like hunger. Just as you need to eat on a regular basis, similarly, you need sexual activity. Consequently, the marital act degenerates into "satisfying my needs." Progressively, couples become bored with the same menu. The same meal every day may curb hunger, but, it's nothing that arouses mealtime excitement. Marriage partners read books, seek counseling and indulge in experimentation in an effort to bring passion back to the marital act. Unfortunately, the problem is in the perception. The sexual union is not primarily a drive.
Sex and the Bible
In order to understand sexual relationships we must begin at creation. Genesis 2:24 records, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." It is this "one flesh" principle that unlocks the mystery of marriage. Jesus referred to this principle in His teaching on divorce (Matt.19). The Apostle Paul reminded the Ephesian church that a husband's deep love for his wife is rooted in "... the two will become one flesh" (Eph.5:31). Man and woman were created to have an intimate union unlike any other. Their "oneness" touches every aspect of life, i.e., intellectual, emotional, social and physical. The sexual relationship is an outgrowth of this "oneness." It is a response to the shared love between husband and wife. It is not the core of the marital union; rather, it is an expression of it. The biblical model is that sexual pleasure is enhanced as love grows. The Christian who understands the biblical perspective enters the sexual act with his/her spouse thinking, "I want my mate to feel and enjoy the intense love I have for him/her." "Satisfying needs" is highly secondary to the preeminent precept of expressing love.
Growing Love
If sexual pleasure grows as love deepens, how can a Christian couple cultivate their love for one another? This question has sweeping implications. Its answer solves virtually every problem encountered in marriage. It's not just a matter of sex; it encompasses the entire marriage relationship resulting in well-balanced, stable families.
The Apostle John instructed Christians on loving God. What does it mean to love God? According to John it is, "... to obey his commands"(I John 5:3). Interestingly, in the preceding verse he writes, "This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands." We could paraphrase it this way: "Loving God and Christians is wrapped in obeying God's Word." Moving from the general to the particular we could say, "Loving God and my Christian spouse is tied directly to my obedience to His Word." How does a Christian increase love for his/her mate? Love is increased as a Christian's knowledge of and obedience to the Bible grows.
How does that work? It seems so unrelated to our initial question. It works because godly obedience produces respect. Respect and love go hand-in-hand. As a husband and/or wife sees his/her spouse diligently cultivating godly character respect increases, love grows and the sexual union becomes an expression of a holy relationship. It never becomes boring because both individuals are continually increasing in their respect and love for one another.
A Final Thought
Pornography destroys the biblical picture. It makes the marital union nothing more than the discharge of animal drive. Beyond the immoral images, pornography rips at the very heart of marriage. It can only tarnish the treasure a husband and wife have in each other.
