Why Does God Let My Loved One Linger?
"Pastor, if God is a God of love, why does He allow my mother to linger in pain? Her life is basically over, she can't get out of bed. What sense does it make to leave her in this condition indefinitely?" Many Christians have asked that same question. With the average lifespan in America being 78 years, more people are living longer and experiencing gradual, debilitating diseases. Nursing homes are filled with victims of Alzheimer's, stroke and a host of other physical ailments. Decrepit images of the elderly drive us to pray, "Lord, take me quickly when my time comes." We don't want to be a burden on our families. Nor, do we choose to spend our remaining days confined to bed staring at the ceiling.
So, why do some Christians linger? Why does God permit what appears to us to be unbearable suffering? The question must be answered from two perspectives. There are two subjects involved in this tragedy - the sufferer and the caregiver. God's Word addresses both.
The Sufferer's Perspective
Generally, we identify the sufferer as one advanced in years; however, younger people can find themselves in similar circumstances. Both are tragic. The same biblical principles apply to both. What are those principles? They are best presented by illustration. When we first meet Joshua (Chapter 1), God calls him to leadership and faithfulness. Joshua is obedient and God gives him great victories as Israel takes the Promised Land. His courage and dedication are evident as young Joshua faces enemies through the power of his Lord. Chapter 24 records Joshua's last words to the Israelites. In verse 15 he utters those well-known words, "... as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Soon after speaking to his people, Joshua died. What effect did he have on his listeners? The summary is in verse 31, "And Israel served the Lord all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders that overlived Joshua."
What relevance does this have to our question? Suppose Joshua started well as a young man, but, in his last days was so consumed with his own suffering that he became a recluse. What testimony would that be to the people he led for so many years? If biblical truth cannot anchor us in our final battles, how relevant can it be for any battle? The children we drive to Sunday School to instill truth in their hearts need to see that same truth sustain Mom and Dad in the painful issues of life. The values we professed during our energetic 20s and successful 30s are those convictions that should comfort and preserve us in our final days. Our most effective testimony is displayed under the worst of circumstances. Why does God allow some Christians to linger? To declare to a younger generation that their faith in the God of the Bible is the only true and solid anchor in life. "Lingering" can be God's final commission to faithfully present His Word through our response to intolerable infirmities.
The Caregiver's Perspective
Caregivers are usually family members. This compounds the pain and intensifies the question. Many know the complexities of home care and/or the heartache of making that "nursing home" decision. Why does God put Christians through such a trial? The Apostle Paul reflects, "... we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation works patience..." (Rom.5:3-5). Trials etch truth into our hearts. The theoretical becomes a living reality when put into practice. Our understanding of love, commitment, gentleness, etc. is expanded and deepened as we minister to those who can no longer help themselves. It's not simply a matter of paying back those who have given to us. Rather, it is a privilege God graciously gives to mature us in the Christian faith while extending mercy to His suffering loved one. Secretly, we may think, "What are we going to do with Dad?" Scripture responds, "This is not a duty or obligation to avoid. It is a unique opportunity to grow and cultivate the fruits of the Spirit in your life." In these moments God's Word leaps from the printed page to the fleshy tablets of our hearts. What treasure we have as caregivers!
